i start writing again, this part of me has been gone for too long. Yet, i dont wanna stop. I am just gonna write whatever crosses my mind right now.  As per today, I did a morning run a bit with a very slow pace, but im so happy. I beat my ownself to not stay in bed and wake up at 12 on Sunday. You know what's funny? I remembered how he told me to run with him and say that we could increase my running pace together. LOL.  Know i realized, it was just probably a dream for now. Idk when I will meet the guy like that who can possibly help me improving myself and let me be the best version of myself. I can not realy on anyone at the moment. So I wake up and practice harder just to prove myself that I can do it with or without him or anyone. Well maybe i still need a PT or a coach, but not a person that I could adore and love while running myself out.  God im really tired. But maybe God wants to test me longer.. 

I have been in a very long time not having experienced a goosebumps reading someone's texts for so long, except from one person that I dont even dare to think about. But this past week was different. There was spark reading these text messages from that person, from him whom I knew randomly, oh yes a stranger enters my life.  I know it is weird and too good to be true. Yet I was excited to see how this one goes and on. I was expecting a lot, not denying it. He answered all the questions exactly like i wanted to hear, and he was like my mirror in many ways. We were both excited, I knew it and I did feel it.  But it was all too good to be true, when two strangers meet and then collide as one in just one moment.  I hope I could choose to accept and continue what we already have... but this feeling lost its sparks once those two pairs of eyes met, and when conversation is on. It is just I am asking to God, why does He test me with something like this.  How could it possi...