I am sorry that it was always about me I am sorry for always borrowing your shoulders, but I never lend you mine I am sad that I was not around when you need me the most just like you always did to me. I am sorry that I talked too much so I couldnt listen to you more.  I am sorry for not being a good one Please let me begin again. then I'll do my very best for you. 

you thought it was a nice dream suddenly it turned to be dark it is not others' fault it is just you and your thoughts you seems happy and nice but you are broke and lonely you feels empty and sad this is not a right poem to describe how happy you are  a lot of good news around. it is not them it is just you and the voices in your head it is okay just cry by your own self. let them be happy then you will find yours somehow.  i know it is hard, isnt it?

 --continued from previous post-- Oke jadi dimulailah tahap seleksi beasiswa GPSP dari perusahanku Telkom Indonesia. Hal pertama yang bikin aku cukup gak pede dan stres adalah waktu persiapan yang super sempit. Jadi, dari tanggal rilis nota dinasnya, aku harus menyiapkan proposal studi yang akan disubmit dan dibawa dalam waktu kruang lebih 4 hari apa 3 hari yah lupa. Jadi aku inget weekend itu aku bener bener scroll2 jurusan kampus dan bikin proposal study selama dua hari Sabtu-Minggu. Hari Seninnya, aku harus berangkat ke Bandung untuk tes. Dan aku berangkat ke Bandung bareng sama bebeb Pome sahabatcuuu Step pertama : Bikin proposal Studi  Selama nyusun proposal studi aku agak terburu buru dan gatau mau nulis apa. Ini mirip mirip dengan motivation letter atau personal statement kalau kita mau apply beasiswa atau apply kampus di luar Negeri untuk S2. Bedanya di seleksi Telkom ini dia minta dua halaman dan harus menjelaskan manfaatnya buat Telkom itu apa ketika kita sudah balik...

Assalamualaikum , Hola Blog! So today, I am writing from a comfortable yet quite cold room in George Kenyon Hall, Manchester, England. hehe so excited! Dan yes, kali ini aku akan cerita bagaimana akhirnya aku bisa sampai ke sini.  Jadii sejak dulu, kalau gak salah 3 SMP atau 1 SMA, tahun 2008/2009, aku baca buku Laskar Pelangi dan Sang Pemimpi - Andrea Hirata, takjub ngeliat Ikal dan Arai bisa sampai ke Sorbonne, Prancis padahal mereka berasal dari keluarga yang tidak mampu dan dari pedalaman Belitong. Aku yang saat itu juga sedang berjuang sekolah dengan keadaan finansial pas pasan (well, aku bukan dari keluarga yang tidak mampu sama sekali, tapi juga bukan dari golongan menengah keatas dan ayahku berjuang hari ke hari untuk bisa menyekolahkan aku, kakak, dan adikku karena ayah bukanlah seorang pegawai tetap kantoran seperti bapak bapak pada umumnya. so we lived day by day), seperti mendapat pecutan motivasi untuk terus belajar dan tidak berhenti belajar. Dari buku-buku yang menur...

hello you been missing you these past months hope you are fine wish we still have more time to spend with get a chance to talk a lot  or a late night call to share with. i miss those good old days when you really took care of me miss the exciting days when you asked me to go anywhere oh i love the way you annoyed me wondering now where it is gone and i love the way i feel the fireworks oh well, i try to catch up yet you are like an ice it is okay im (pretending to be) fine yet i wont make any efforts anymore i think i should let you be and let you go. lastly, just let you know how much i miss you, beb.

i am trying to value my friends more while i have the energy i am trying to give my best anything that I can i dont wanna miss a single thing, when i am here i cant expect a happy ending then but yet, sometimes i forget to value me myself also and sometimes i just put high expectations to those whom i love for just having the same thought or feelings as mine it is august already i hope they miss me as much as i miss them but you can not always force your wants and i have to keep learning to be me myself and alone and have them who value me more, becomes my energy. and let them who dont feel the same away though i really love them. remember one thing that you can not travel back to your past and when this is all over, hope we'll never regret what we do today

i am sick and sometimes crazy i am a crybaby and i cry a lot i am too sensitive and i'm too honest to tell you that i miss you or to ask you how're you doing i can not hide my feelings and yes it is annoying i hope i can be more cool and calm but i have this fireworks whenever i see your name and i cant be that calm i am sorry ive lost a lot, and i just dont wanna lose you period.