a bit disappointed, when someone is getting close to you just because they need you. and when you need them, they dont give that 'close' back to you a bit disappointed, when you are well known as someone strong and tough, makes people dont need to help you but in fact, you just a woman with a weak heart at some moment, you just wanna cry out loud and scream, that you are not as strong as you looked. but you are just too shame to admit it a bit disappointed, when you have no friends to talk about such this thing and you are forced to write it in this blog. haha whatever it's just a bit,

we just met. and talked about a thing, (well it means I listened to what you said). talking about that thing,  that thing can connect us each other. desperately I thought why I always think back about the time we talked each other. It's such a -be-hoped-for-thing, which I miss. you know, you are addicted thing. And talking to you is like 'a must to do' for me. you are too smart to believe in someone, or something. you have your own view and idea about how a life must be lived.  somehow, I cant go closer and break the wall you built in your mind. and I still dont want to knock the door you made to let me in. I am tough, and desperately, you are difficult -hopefully, this never happens to me-

you know, I am actually addicted in watching football match. somehow, it's because of my Dad's hobby. It's such a descent which you cant avoid, that I also like Manchester United. It's all about United when we talk about football at home. And united feels like a country that I defend. Such a pity to live in 'kosan' which doesnt have a television in it. It makes my time for defending that team by watching them play soccer is not as much as I used to have. now, United had become very poor in playing a match since Opa Fergie left them. this thing makes the lads feel worry and sad because of this team. And so do I. Since I almost never watch their matches directly, I became more sad. lol. Many people tell that United is in a very low position for along its life. Yes it is, I guess. But as a defender (well, I dont wanna say that I am only a viewer on tv) , I feel it's only about the adaption of having a new manager. And it's okay for not being a winner this...

I have though that it would be this hard. But nowadays, it feels more uncomfortable. It's not about the job I cant handle and do, but it's about people who always ignore me. It's such a jerk to know that you try so hard to be close to someone. I've try hard and try harder, but it's too difficult to reach them. they just always think bad and do some things that you cant ignore. well, I am not an angel, and nor the guardian. But I try to be a good person and do my responsibilities. But people will always think bad of me, even they know what you've done. well, I guess and I feel, I am not being a good coordinator. It's hard to believe that finally, I made this decision to help them. for some reasons, I feel some regrets stuck in my deepest heart. But I am not a a kind of person who will not finish my job. So, until the rest of this year, I will do this better, and better. no matter they will be with me, or not.

lelah banget praktikum. seru sih, tapi lelah. lelah bangeeet.. jadi gak punya waktu kosong sering sering bahkan malem..