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confusion

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 I'm drinking coffee sip by sip. listening to Korean music while watching my niece drawing sketches. what a quiet afternoon at home. and me, wondering what i should be wondering. exactly not having certain thoughts about anything. but you know confusion is part of me daily now. i wonder it is probably because I'm 28, have no prospected husband soon to be and get more pressures about getting married by friends, families, and social environment, haven't started working on my jobs and then kinda trying to figure out what my future will look like. which is naive if i said i didn't get influence by those. I was okay before. but since i have so many things going on in my mind, literally sometimes it is just me with a lot of issues and overthinking attacks, every night. i really need someone to help me cope with all the problems. but actually, happiness is not about how others help you to find one, you should be happy first, they say. I know I know, but how if it is just too hard to be applied on me. i literally need somebody that fits me well, helping me to decide and supporting me in a good way. and more importantly, not easily get tired with all my unstable mind and thought plus my needy behaviour. at this point, i really need someone who listens and talks to me, like 24/7. i know I'm annoying, but i really hope God will find me one like that. And i promise i wont let him be lonely and sad at all, he will be the happiest version of himself. hahaha. i literally laugh at this post. i never posted things so obvious about love and feeling about getting married and so on, but now, i just don't care. i mean, i literally have no one to freely talk with right now. oh dear blog, you are still best of my diaries. and maybe, just maybe, someone will read this. and maybe and maybe, someone can do what i need. anyways, I'm happy that i can share this feeling, lifted a bit of burden this afternoon. 

by the way, i love my niece the most. she is cute and adorable when she behaves well. hahaha so random i know. but these days i feel what my mom feels everyday. tired of taking care house and kid . i feel so much more mature these days. i don't feel like myself thou. but yeah, if i asked for what i wrote before this, then maybe that means this kind of life in the future. oh my god sorry for the broken English.

but i just want to let people that grammar doesn't really mean big thing as long as people do understand. unless you wanna write a proper essay. and the fact that i had been living in manchester for a year, doesn't mean i have good English OR YOU CAN MOCK AT ME if i dont speak or write English well. you are not my professor;p even my professor gave me good marks on my essay, so ? 

sorry not sorry, heheh me being annoying and talkative in a weird way in this post.

cheers,

Aisyah. 

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