me myself and i

you know, looking at others having their own happiness, looking at my family and what they should have been trough, looking at myself and not growing better. it is just too much at one time. i become too sensitive about so many things, overthinking and get overwhelmed by my own. i feel like my responsibilities are higher and higher these days. and im not like you or my other friends. i have burdens and many responsibilities as well as expectations. and i had experienced unrequited and forbidden love. my life is pretty sad. but no one sees it through. im a breadwinner yet a liar, yeah that is me. i see myself as a bad person, who should be strong not for myself, but for people whom i love. sometimes i complain how much should i sacrifice myself and my happiness, but some other days i believe this is my happiness to make them happy, and what else should i not be grateful for. God gives me everything , i know. but God, why do you believe that i can hold these problems well? why did You choose me over many other people in this world? Sometimes i feel proud of myself, confidently thinking that im tougher than anyone. but sometimes, i just wanna be weak and lay on someone else's shoulder, crying out loud all of my problems and sorrows. complaining to God, once in a while. I used to have many dreams, but now im more realistic. i see what i can achieve and what can harm others less. i stimulate my mind to think that im happy enough. and i should believe that im loved. although i know someone i love so much is never belong to me, or my family is just suffering by themselves as well. i wish i could be wiser in life, more mature and more cheerful to everyone. I wish i can always bring joy and happiness to my surrounding. i wish i can find someone to love me and cherish my good works, listening to my happy or sad stories every day. one day, they said. but i start to stop expecting, and trying to love myself more. cherish myself as much as i can do. i mean, who else can help me if it werent me myself.

oh and yes, i wish you can cherish yourself more too. if not, let me know and ill cherish your goodwork. dont worry, we are actually never alone. we just havent found each other.