hai you and all of your complicated things, i look at you and always think about you whether i dont have you on my eyes. you are just a piece of bullshit anyway, but im still into you. hate that anyway. never fell into someone like this before. talking to you is just a medicine, while im having an insomnia. and yeah i hate it . you are so bad boy, you dont like me either, but i care about you, a lot. so tiring. God, can i please be my old self? the one who weren't bothered about something called love. and you, can you please,  i dont know sometimes i want you to be disappeared, but i cant survive thou. dumb me. what im supposed to do ?

in the middle of my new routine, so many thoughts so many worries so many fears and so many hopes and prays and hard works also sacrifices tertiba merindukan masa masa otak ini gak perlu bekerja keras masa masa mudah cas cus sana sini sama mereka mereka yang juga mudah diajak berbagi rinduu~ sekarang yang kupikirkan hanya diri sendiri dan mencapai apa yang kumau ini walau kadang hati ini suka pedih tapi ditahan tahan aja sementara ini tak ada waktu untuk patah hati sesekali menyapa tak apa dua kali menyapa tak bahagia dan tak ada celah untuk yang tak berguna karena waktu seolah selalu terjaga sesungguhnya aku baru mulai tapi langkah terus menggontai kamu yang disana bersantai sesekali bolehlah menyapaku hai eh sudah sudah syah tak ada waktu untuk resah mari aku selesaikan.

helloo old friend. come back to tell you all the secrets huh? hehe now im facing a new phase of life, doesnt mean im already married lol. i got a chance to pursue my dreams, to go to the place i always dreamed about. i feels so close yet so thrilling. i still have a lot of things to do and to achieve. i was never this nervous before. cant let anything fail this but looks like myself who keep failing it. this is so exhausting. but i can not stop. i should run faster and fight harder. and tonight i find myself motivated , once again. i was never this ambitious before. but i should keep telling myself to go beyond my limit. it's difficult. but i promise myself that i can pass this phase. i should struggle to reach my own dreams. i should support myself. let's do this girl. i can face it, pass it, and finish it . even with no hi from you . and when the day comes, you are gonna beg me for having my-hi . naon sih syah, ah. bay. yuk belajar lagi .

Langit biru pernah menyapa aku terpaut, sebentar kemudian berlalu katanya langit, ia ingin sampaikan lagu tentang aku, yang tak berhenti rindu senja perlahan selimuti langit mengeluh tentang waktu yang sempit berhenti, memarahi hatiku yang berkelit buat apa rindu jika selalu berakhir sakit .. - sama sama-

karena teman teman sedang tidak dalam respon terbaik mereka untuk mendengarkan aku berkeluh kesah, here i come to you my diary, my blog.  ku lagi stuck harus ngerjain ppt seorang Asman, yang mana presentasi itu adalah tugasnya dia dan teman temannya, tapi dia minta tolong aku buat bantuin ngerjain. aku sebenernya gapapa sih kalau ngerjain ada arahan dan maunya doi gimana. tapi yang dikasih malah ppt buatannya dia kosongan, well gak kosong-kosong banget sih ada satu grafik doang dengan warna power point yang super ajib. setelah itu sisanya, ku disuruh bantu mikir isinya mau apa. dan ku kesal karena kenapa ku baru inget jam segini, meanwhile besok harus dikumpulin. ingin berkeluh kesah. ingin gak buatin tapi udah nge iyain juga. mau ngebikinin tapi aku juga bingung sendiri, da kalau kupaham harusnya ku udah bisa jadi asman lah yah . hhh mengeluh pada teman, ada yang lagi off banget gabuka chat dari siang. ada yang gapaham juga gimana. ada sih yang bantuin ngasi data ini itu....

Hari ini aku mau cerita tentang orang paling baik nan tangguh yang menemaniku tiga tahun terakhir ini, my one and only , Mbak Niken Asri Pratiwi ! This one is for you, Mbak.  Pertama kali bener-bener ngobrol sama Mbak adalah pas dipanggil GM kita ke ruang rapat untuk bikin presentasi. Itu kali pertama, aku merasa remah-remah di dunia kerja karena melihat hasil kerja Mbak yang super catchy dan pas. wk. Gak salah sejak hari itu dia selalu jadi orang kepercayaan GM ku sampai hari ini . Dan sejak hari itu juga, aku tau kalau Mbak itu super pinter dan cepet banget nangkep kerjaan apapun, dan sejak hari itu aku telah menetapkan dia untuk jadi panutan dalam kerjaan. Dan sampai hari ini, aku rasa aku gak salah milih role model, she always does everything well. Mbak adalah teman curhat. Kupikir di dunia kerja itu gak ada yang namanya teman baik, apalagi sahabat-sahabatan. Tapi aku salah. Setelah ketemu mbak Niken, aku tau kalau persahabatan di dunia kantor itu ada kok. hehe. Mbak s...

I just experienced a sad day, on last friday. seeing my annoying best friend cried. He rarely cried and looked sad. but at the day, i saw his broken shape. Losing his dad is his most agony. And i couldnt hold my tears. it was a sad day. but we never know God's plans. He always prepares a good thing after a bad thing. Inna maal usri yusro. And I always believe it. And He knows what best to us. We are only His small creatures with a lot of emotions and weakness. I hope my friend can be stronger and bigger after this.  I also experienced another sad day. When I saw my phone all day long waiting for someone to text me. But it never happened. He never cared what i was doing or whether i was waiting for his hello. I care a lot about someone whom never thought of me. I was dying to know what's up with him yet he didnt. heart broken. but we never know God's plans. Maybe he doesnt deserve me. maybe i will meet someone else better. or maybe this is just a test from God. I hope m...